Been really amazingly depressed the past two weeks. Not entirely sure why. Well, I have a hunch. Roll35 is reaching, at least for me, the make-or-break point. I’ve been doing this job full time for six months and so far have only a few hundred dollars to show for it. Even though I am a notorious cheapskate who can squeeze a penny so tight, Lincoln screams – I can’t live on this, and my other freelancing ventures aren’t bringing in the money I need, either.
Now, I’m not truly hurting for cash, but still, I don’t like seeing my savings continuing to dip, dip, dip into lower figures. Given the current job market in Bend (re: nonexistent), I’m basically stuck riding the tiger with Roll35 and hoping it pans out.
But how long do I wait? When do I know if I’m on the Titanic and need to abandon ship?
Short answer, I don’t, but I’m keeping an eye peeled for the iceberg.
I’ve always been a bird-in-the-hand kind of guy. Give me the sure thing, I’ll take it every time. Like my cats, I’m very happy when I have a routine, a pattern, and a safety net. I do not like surprises. I do not like uncertainty. I like getting up in the morning knowing exactly what it is I need to do and when I’m going to do it, and when that gets thrown off, I get twitchy.
Some people thrive on chaos. Not me. But yet, that’s all I got right now. No real income. No health insurance. Only an interesting job that might turn into something and the knowledge that I’ve got to tighten that belt even tighter for a while. If I tighten my belt much further, my liver’s going to turn gangrenous.
So like I said, I’m riding the tiger, and not feeling all that great about it.
No wonder I’m depressed.
